Establishing Necessary Criteria In
When the stonewaller hears, ‘and another thing...’ it’s usually too much for them to take in. The only way out is retreat. Some people stonewall but then think about the issue later and might want to come back to talk more. That can’t happen if the partner keeps pushing and won’t let it rest. Accept the fact that people who stonewall may need to work through things in smaller bites and avoid discussing every problem in the relationship all at once.” ― Vikki Stark , a psychotherapist and the director of the Sedona Counselling Center of Montreal 2. Be aware of the physical reaction you have before you stonewall. “If you’re a stonewaller, you usually have an internal physiological reactions (increased heart-rate or rapid breathing, for instance) and an external reaction right before you close up: Maybe you physically turn away from your partner or close your eyes and deeply sigh. These are all signs your partner needs to start paying attention to. Discuss what you do during times of distress so you both can recognize the stonewalling warning signs.” ― Danielle Kepler , a therapist in Chicago, Illinois 3. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. “A lot of times, you stonewall because you’re convinced your partner just won’t listen or make any meaningful changes. Instead of continuing to make requests, it’s easier for you to just shut up about it, even if it it eats you up inside. Stop doing that. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
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