Some Growing Opportunities In No-nonsense Methods
25, 2017 CONNECT TWEET 1 LINKEDIN 1 COMMENTEMAILMORE I am going through a nasty divorce. The main issue is the custody of our children. My husband has been verbally abusive toward me in front of the children for years. He has also put down our children and has made them feel inadequate. Is there anything that can be done about this? I just attended a seminar where one of the speakers, Sharon Gold-Steinberg, Ph.D., gave an excellent presentation called Developmental Trauma: What Happens When Children Fear the Loss of Life, Love or Both. The speaker talked about the fact that even words and gestures can have a lasting effect on our children. What we do and how we say things can hurt our children badly. It is not only what is said, but the way it is said. Our tone of voice, our gestures all have meaning. Constant fighting in front of the children can be very harmful. Yelling and screaming EdmontonDivorceMediation can cause lasting damage. She said that children are resilient and can recover. So much depends upon the type of abusive behavior, as well as the particular child. Everyone is different. The problem with verbal and psychological abuse is that it is much harder to prove than actual physical abuse. It is much easier to prove an actual cut or broken bone then it is to show the effects and impacts of negative verbal or psychological behavior. There is the old saying that sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me! That is far from the truth. The question is, how do we deal with these issues in a high-conflict divorce? The problem is that when there is a hearing or trial in court, most cases are reduced to a he said/she said scenario. Here is my advice based upon many years in dealing with abusive situations in high-conflict divorces and custody cases. 1. Keep careful records. Write a journal documenting what is said or done on a particular day and to whom it was said. Who, what, where and when are important. This will give you total recall as you prepare for a hearing that could be many months after the incident. 2. Are there any witnesses to some of this abusive behavior? Other relatives, friends or someone who has observed some uncomfortable encounters involving you and your spouse. 3. Children who are victims of abusive behavior often have problems in school. Are there school records or information from a school counselor or teacher that can be helpful? 4. Have the police ever been called? If so, evidence such as police incident reports can be valuable. 5. Are there text or email records showing nasty behavior. More and more, emails, text messages and even Facebook postings can be valuable in a case.
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