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I wondered if there was any part of their parenting that was enjoyable or meaningful. I understood that each of them must have experienced a very empty childhood, possibly fraught with chaos, abuse, shaming. They lacked the tools to nurture and connect with their own children.  Often our expectations of parents who are disrespecting or mistreating their children are that they should “know better,” or simply “get a grip and stop doing that,” or “take a parenting course,” which will finally solve the problem. Yet, the issue is far more complicated. Parenting is not simply another milestone we successfully reach, like walking or talking, because it comes naturally. It EdmontonDivorceMediation is not a rite of passage, as the dictionary describes “a ceremony or event marking an important stage in someone’s life, especially birth, puberty, marriage, and death.” Rather, parenting is a learned skill, strongly influenced by our upbringing, nuanced by many other experiences along the way. If we assume we will somehow know what to do, that will depend largely on how we were parented. Our children don’t arrive with any instructions.  Some of us were fortunate to have loving, healthy, supportive parents, providing a reasonable foundation for this all-important role of raising children. Yet many of us were not so lucky, trying to do our best with children who trigger us, opening up unhealed wounds from our childhood. We can read books, watch programs, attend workshops, all with excellent intentions to do the best possible job of parenting.

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